The following poems were written around the time I was in high school (and some shortly there after). Most of my original collection has been lost. This is the best of the best of the rest of what's left... I dedicate this body of work to my mother, whose verse originally inspired me to write my own.
Enjoy!
- Ken Rougeau ²
_______________________________
a lonely place
______________
i'd like to find
a lonely place
to scream
& not be heard...
a place where i
can go to cry
& not feel
my tears absurd...
- 04/04/1996 12:21am - kenneth p rougeau jr
The Bastard's Reflection
______________________
A madman in my mirror -
His face my own.
Poet?
Prophet?
Angry youth...
I've forgotten how to love
& soon after how to live.
Wander through my self delusions,
Painting pictures & adding new illusions.
I remember you,
Ghostly figure
In fading memories.
I think I loved you once
Sometime before I died
Leaving behind two tears -
One uncried, one undried.
The bastard's reflection
Greets me again
With twisted face
And sadistic grin.
Where have I lost myself?
Who's trying to find me?
Putting together puzzles
Without having all the pieces -
The story of my life.
Once again I press through the glass
And seek myself
On the other side.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
Another Bookshelf Kingdom Falls
___________________________
A thousand heroes
Standing tall,
A thousand heroes
Together fall.
From beneath the dusty,
Yellowed pages
Charge these warriors
Of varying ages.
United they stood,
Divided they fell
Into moldy old boxes
And literary hell.
Knights of old
And creatures of night
Joined together
In a losing fight.
The killing beast
That libraries feed
Is the injustice of any child
Who never learns to read.
Words can't rise up
From their place on the page
If no one cares to look
And reclaim the literary age.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
child
_____
within me
lies the wisdom
gained by realizing
i'm a fool
- 10/27/1995 2:43am - kenneth p rougeau jr
December
_____________
warm night in december,
strange break
in the freezing rains
electricity thick in the air
like some new storm
waiting to be born
where are you?
why am i here,
drunk & alone?
- 12/31/1995 12:46am - kenneth p rougeau jr
drunk
______
again
here i go,
stone cold drunk
& wavering
fall down
stand up
fall again
crawl
to the wall
retch
rain
it's over
it's beginning
again...
- 10/27/1995 4:45am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Echoes of the Everlasting
_____________________
Unfinished sentences loom
In the gathering gloom.
There's a madman in my mirror,
I've seen him there before...
Nonsense words
& nonlinear thoughts -
These things are me.
In the fool's reflection
One's own face is unfamiliar,
As if life were seen
Through someone else's eyes.
The shadow of existential doubt
Falls over our minds,
Clouding it and causing us to worry
About the coming of eternal night.
Forget the night,
Live each day as though it were your last.
Cherish every moment & strive
To make more meaningful memories -
They may be all we have
As we echo through the everlasting.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
Enough?
_______
if i take & fill
your empty hand
with mine,
would it be enough?
could we call it love?
would it be enough to last?
- 10/01/1993 3:01am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Tears For A Fictional Character
_________________________
Shut out by the world,
forced to pick yourself up
& out of the mud.
No one to love you
but you...
Your eyes mirror
the sorrow & suffering
that cry out from behind
my own.
Yeah, I know you.
I know every tear you've ever cried
& every reason you'd ever lied.
I know how very terribly hard you've tried.
We're each who the other's been searching for.
I know you as I would my own reflection.
You.
You are my pain,
my sorrow & my sunshine,
my dreams & my darkness.
I love you
& from this moment on
I can never be the same.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
Flicker Away
____________
a lone spark
dances in the dark,
destined to fade in the rain
though i pray that she'll remain
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
I Can't Stand
___________
neglect is abuse
& as many times
as that look in your eyes
has hit me,
it's a wonder i can stand at all...
- 04/08/1996 5:05pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
Kat(#13)
_________
pulling
petals
from flowers
&
praying
for passions
long past
- 11/14/1995 11:09pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
Some Lonely Only Child
______________________
some lonely only child
playing hide & seek alone
tags her reflection
and dances away...
she's king of the hill
with no one to rule,
and ring around the rosie
just leaves her dizzy & sick...
- 11/04/1993 10:37am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Maddened Insight
_________________
Myself,
A festering wound
Of maddened insight
Slashed into the wrists
Of reality.
I'm the worm in the bottle,
Drinking myself to death.
Life grows constantly more predictable,
Every day seems the same.
I don't believe in tomorrow,
I can't hold onto today,
And yesterday's already slipped through my fingers.
All that's left are memories and pictures
And perhaps I'm only dreaming after all...
I can't believe in anything.
Each moment fleeting,
No sooner noticed than gone.
Tomorrow turns today to yesterday
& what stability is there in that?
What can we hold onto?
What will last?
Time & space,
Moving onward indefinately
& folding back on themselves in waves.
How many times have you seen the world
Through those eyes?
Mankind in it's madness,
Trashing it's own customs & traditions.
Moving further from sense & sanity
& claiming all the while to be getting closer.
Ah, civilization.
Birth is the deadliest sin,
Leading to a multitude of lesser sins
And the tarnishing of the soul.
Give me peace,
Release me from this maddened insight.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
November
__________
tears fall from my eyes
like leaves
from the trees
in november
- 11/15/1995 3:18am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Orange Memories
____________
citrus acidity
bringing to mind
breakfasts half eaten,
coffee
warm and dripping
down the sides
of my porcelain cup
in moments of
sleepy eyed awakening.
orange juice pulp
and grinning
youthful smiles -
days gone by,
at times
nearly forgotten.
my life was once filled
with joyful noise.
now i itch
at the empty space
where those
memories
used to be.
- 11/22/1993 10:13am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Orestes
_________
A stranger in the town of my birth,
A king in peasant's guise.
The darkness,
The heat,
The incessant buzzing of the air.
Are these things all that remain
Of my kingdom, my home?
A lying monarch
& the blood stained hands of the Queen.
The peasant slave girl -
A princess, my sister.
I've traveled roads unnumbered,
But no path was my own.
I've touched the dreams of other men,
But never dared dream my own.
I've heard tales recalled from memory,
But could never share my own.
I've shared the homes of beautiful families
But have never known my own.
I am as free as any caged beast
& have been disowned by the gods.
What care have I for gods?
What piece of this mad nomadic life
Was their doing?
Have they ever given me reason
To hold on to hope?
I will avenge my father
By killing my mother
& her lover,
The usurper king.
Then I shall claim my birthright
& my crown
& have myself put to death.
- Date/Time Unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
- Inspired by Jean Paul Sartre's play "The Flies"
Passing Time
____________
everything about me
is changing,
yet here i stand,
still me,
still mostly who i used to be -
just a little older,
just a bit more tired
of watching the world
evolve without me.
- 10/22/1995 1:49am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Peripheral Visions
_________________
these lights
these sights
seen
but never noticed...
one of them,
hidden in plain sight,
20/20
into & out of view,
you stare through me...
an insect,
creeping through the cracks,
i'm in your heart
& in your house
& you never saw it coming
until the disease infected your life...
you want the sickness...
enthralled by the fever,
you feel the high
& grow addicted...
you want to keep me,
you want to love me,
you have no idea who i am...
"take me," you say
as i gnaw my way to you,
chew my way through you
horrendously woo you
until nothing else moves you...
i'll leave you wounded
& wanting more
as i scurry off
in search of another...
you'll never be the same,
some scars just never heal -
forever reminding you
of what you had
but did not see...
- 04/01/1995 4:18am - kenneth p rougeau jr
From My Reflection's Mouth
_________________________
little madman,
call your muse
& sing a song tonight.
little madman,
call our dance
& move us left & right.
little madman,
play the fool
& make us laugh tonight.
little madman,
hide your tears
keep your sorrows from the light.
(kings are jesters,
poets are fools,
& we're blinded by our sight.)
- 10/22/1995 2:06am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Closing The Book On Sanity
________________________
Traveling blindly
Through worlds of the bizarre.
Graffiti thick on the walls,
Some so old that it's bored itself in
Becoming part of the wall itself.
Pains run deep here,
Blood in the cracks
Of long abandoned hallways.
Tears leak from moldy ceiling tiles.
I'm lost here
In a world I've known since birth.
Each moment stranger than the last,
Each person somehow odder than the others.
My hands:
Stone, cold, white.
My staring eyes,
Seeing nothing.
Unspoken words ring out
From every corridor.
What will become of me
Here in these strange environs?
My grotesque features move,
Stumbling past dancing
Miracles of grace.
The floors are littered
With times sands
And faded pictures
From my memories.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
sans all
______
i know nothing
of nothing,
save it's not what we claim it to be.
by labeling the non-existant,
we cancel out it's lack of being.
- 04/05/1995 2:00am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Speechless
__________
How to put the words...
They fight amongst themselves
Struggling to be expressed,
But quickly they're tangled & lost,
Seeming to die
Just at the edge of my lips,
The tip of my tongue.
I just wanted to tell you,
"I love you."
- 04/22/1993 9:45pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
Staring Eyes
____________
Who's thinking of me
While I'm thinking of you?
Who's dreaming a dream
That can't ever come true?
Who's thinking of me
While I'm thinking of you?
Who's out there alone
Seeking something & someone new?
Who's thinking of you
While you're thinking of me?
Who's wishing your eyes
Might somehow turn to see
That he sits now alone,
Watching you watching me,
Wondering if you reached out
Could you somehow set him free?
Who's staring at you
While I'm staring at you?
While I'm lost in your eyes
Drowning in thoughts of you?
Who's staring at me
While I'm staring at you?
Who's eyes are seeking mine
While mine are glued to you?
Who's looking at you
When you're looking at me?
Who's mourning the passing
Of things that have yet to be?
Who's looking at you
While you're looking at me?
Who wishes their staring
Could somehow make you see?
Who's reaching to me
As I reach out to you?
Who's hand remains empty
While mine hold tight to you?
Who's reaching towards me
While I'm reaching towards you?
Who's pounding naked fists on concrete walls
Desperately trying to find their way through?
Who's reaching towards you
As you reach out to me?
Who's arms are spread out wide
Wishing you were with them & not with me?
Who's reaching out to you
As you dance your way to me?
Who's tattered, tearstained heart
Hopes you'll turn away from me?
- 09/15/1993 1:03pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
Stealing Heaven
_____________
Conversations
Erupt around me -
Thin women
Discussing
Fat men
A the perverted
Converse
On the perverse.
Pages turned
In books unread -
No one's seeking knowledge,
Just an end
To end all the tragic endings,
Perhaps a moment's peace.
We're stealing heaven,
Trying to gain entry
Without passing through death's gate.
- 09/23/1993 11:08pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
Time Spent
__________
time
spent
singing
to myself,
sitting alone,
collecting
dust
&
phrases
- 10/03/1993 5:16am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Tragic
_______
First free,
Then trapped
In awe of grace & beauty.
Suffocating,
Needing air & space,
Room to breathe.
Finally released
& desperately needing
To be trapped again.
- 04/30/1993 5:00am - kenneth p rougeau jr
Truly
_______
smile truly
for you'll find
no joy
hidden
in sadness
& laughter
cannot touch
a soul
seduced
by sorrow.
- 10/07/1993 10:36am - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
passive aggression
hello, goodbye
i love you,
i'm leaving
the welcome mat mocks me
as i turn to walk away
- 07/16/1995 9:97am - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
damned.
forced to live in linear time
without the benefit of linear thought.
- 04/05/1995 2:15am - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
tired,
so very
terribly tired.
craving a rest
that sleep can't provide.
fitful dreams
send me up
from the darkened depths
to bathe in heat
& my own feverish sweat.
i need you to want me,
i want you to need me,
but we pass each other
coming & going
with g'morns & g'nights
on our lips.
- 11/28/1995 12:29am - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
i reach to you
& fall
as you take
a stranger's
hand.
(my sleep is
filled w/ demons
& visions
of your back
turning to me,
walking away
in the arms
of another)
- 03/22/1996 4:33pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
my profound lack of wisdom
causes me great distress
& all i seek is rest.
i can't believe
in god or heaven,
so where have i to go?
- 02/09/1996 6:38pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
clinking
clatter
of distant
dishes
breaking?
no,
banging together
in a hurried fashion
- 09/30/1993 10:36pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
i didn't want
to need
to know you
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
untitled
________
the page
stares back
blankly
wondering
what words
are within me,
wondering
what it is
i might be about.
the page
is neat
and lined
and clean,
so clean
and orderly
that i can't help
but scrawl
upon it,
can't resist
covering it
with ink,
making a mess
and calling it me.
- 09/30/1993 10:38pm - kenneth p rougeau jr
Valerie's Song
_____________
She runs playfully through my mind,
hair & eyes ablaze,
taunting, teasing,
almost close enough to touch.
I reach out to her
& she dances away,
laughing joyfully,
making me smile
at the tear that escapes my eye.
She runs & twirls & plays,
dancing to a song
that only she can hear -
a melody of the mind
& I love her all the more for it.
Silently in the moonlight,
she smile's her sad child's smile
sending a shiver down my spine.
Will she dance life's dance with me?
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
You Could Be An Angel
_____________________
In her mind, a silent corner,
She stood & faced the wall.
I reached out a hand to touch her tears,
but I couldn't catch them all.
She turned & looked into my eyes
& seemed about to speak,
so I motioned her to silence
& held her body, frail & weak.
"You could be an angel,"
I whispered in her ear
holding her closer
as she shook & trembled with fear.
Forever we stood there
unwilling to break the embrace
& I'll never forget the smile
that finally lit upon her face.
- Date/Time unknown - kenneth p rougeau jr
______________________________________
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